Where does it hurt? 💔
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?
it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere.
from "What they did yesterday afternoon" by Warsan Shire
It's true that we all experience suffering in our lives. And it's true that our system of racism and oppression creates, what john powell calls, "surplus suffering."
How do we keep our hearts open in the face of so much suffering? What's the work that needs doing?
When our own needs are not met and we're stressed, our capacity for compassion is diminished. Others can appear to us as, what my mindfulness teacher Tara Brach calls, “unreal others.” They either become objects that we perceive as a threat or objects that we think can bring us more satisfaction. Or they appear as not relevant to us at all, and we barely notice them. Our othering of others is reinforced by our societal conditioning and implicit biases.
How do we cultivate compassion and tend to the hurt?
The first step is the intention to turn towards the suffering. To lean in. To create space to feel what we're feeling. To let ourselves be touched instead of turning away. We might inquire: Where does it hurt? What's it like for the other person? What does it feel like to feel like you don't belong, to feel unsafe, to feel violated, ...? We can cultivate the courage to open to what others are experiencing.
The second step is to respond with care, in big and small ways. We can ask: What does this person / the world need right now? How can I contribute to that?
And compassion for others naturally needs to start with self-compassion. We need to honor and care for what’s happening inside of us to strengthen our capacity to be with the suffering of others.
How are you responding to the call? What's yours to do?
Below are a few resources that I hope may be helpful for you.
With love and solidarity,
Sarah-Marie
Resources
[LISTENING, WATCHING & LEARNING]
[Podcast] Brene with Austin Channing Brown on I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness
[Free Course] Racialized Trauma Course with Resmaa Menakem
[PRACTICE]
Guided Meditations
See Through Unconscious Bias | Bonus Meditation [22:18] with Sebene Selassie
RAIN of Self-Compassion [16:34] to work with difficult emotions
Self-Compassion Break [10:42] to work with a difficulty in your life
Practicing Daily Compassion
You can practice compassion as you move through your day. As you come across others who are suffering, you can ask yourself: Where does it hurt? What's it like for the other person? And you can respond through a small or bigger act of care. For example, you could place a hand on your heart and send well wishes to the person.