You already always belong 💗
“You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all.” - Maya Angelou
So much feels separate and divided in these times. While our bodies may be physically distanced from each other, our hearts don't need to be.
We already always belong to everyone and everything. Yet we experience ourselves as separate. It's a paradox we all navigate.
Seeing ourselves as separate, our differences become distorted into othering and give rise to systems of domination and oppression. While we are not the same, we are not separate. The victim and the perpetrator are not separate. Liberals and conservatives are not separate. Our impacted ecosystems and we who contribute to our climate crisis are not separate.
How do we step out of the fiction of separation? What if belonging is not a place outside of ourselves but a set of skills and practices we can cultivate?
As someone who felt a conditional sense of belonging (following the "rules for fitting in") growing up and has lived in many places, much of my journey has been a quest to find true belonging. I realized it starts within and, as Maya Angelou said, is "no place at all."
The practice of belonging starts with understanding our own history and where we come from. It involves working with our layers of conditioning, limiting beliefs, self-judgment, biases, etc. And it focuses on cultivating kindness and compassion for ourselves, each other, and all beings.
An invitation that Toko-pa Turner makes in her beautiful book Belonging is to let our longing to belong guide us in actively creating belonging for ourselves and others. She writes:
"Where you long for the friend who calls only to find out if you’re well, be that caller for another. ... Where you ache to be recognized, allow yourself to be seen. Where you long to be known, sit next to someone and listen for the apertures into what they love. Where you wish you felt necessary, give those gifts away."
What does belonging mean to you?
Who and/or what are you inviting into belonging with you?
May you know that you already always belong and live from that place.
Below are a few resources that I hope may be supportive for you.
In belonging,
Sarah-Marie
Resources
[REFLECTION]
On Belonging
What does belonging mean to me?
With whom or what have/haven't I felt belonging in my life?
How do I relate to the idea that we are not separate?
How do I relate to the idea that we are not the same?
[READING & LISTENING]
Below are a few books and podcast episodes that I've found helpful in my own journey of practicing belonging. I hope some of them may be supportive for you as well.
[Book] Belonging by Toko-pa Turner
[Podcast] The Delusion of Separation with Sebene Selassie and Jocelyn K. Glei
[Book] You Belong by Sebene Selassie
[Book] Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown
[Podcast] Dr. Vivek Murthy — Former Surgeon General on Combating COVID-19, Loneliness, and More with Tim Ferriss
[Book] Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World by Vivek Murthy
[Book] The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker
[Book] Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger
[Poem]
From The House of Belonging by David Whyte
This is the bright home
in which I live,
this is where
I ask
my friends
to come,
this is where I want
to love all the things
it has taken me so long
to learn to love.
This is the temple
of my adult aloneness
and I belong
to that aloneness
as I belong to my life.
There is no house
like the house of belonging.
[GUIDED MEDITATIONS]
RAIN of Self-Compassion [16:34] to work with difficult emotions and cultivate self-compassion.
Self-Compassion Break [10:42] to work with a difficulty in your life.
Coming Home to Presence [16:59] to practice mindfulness of breath, body, and emotions.
Lovingkindness for Self & Others [19:51] to cultivate kindness toward yourself and others.
Cultivating Compassion for Others [10:56] to practice cultivating compassion for others who are struggling.