These are deeply emotional times. Many of us are experiencing a range of emotions - fear, anxiety, sadness, grief, frustration, anger, ... as we're facing the consequences of the pandemic, the ineptitude of leaders, systemic oppression, injustice, precious lives lost, ... It's heartbreaking and enraging.
As Ruth King writes in her book Mindful of Race, "anger is initiatory, but it's not transformative." It can point to what's important to us and help us take action. But we have to go a step further to investigate what's underneath it. What's underneath the anger? Maybe it's fear. And underneath that a deep care for others and ourselves.
Grounded in our caring, we can respond and act in a more intentional way and think about what's ours to do and contribute.
As Pema Chodron said, "the emotions we have, the negativity and positivity, are exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, and fully alive.” It took me many years to learn this lesson as I sought to avoid negative emotions as much as possible. The result was that I felt numb much of the time. I felt less alive.
I've found it helpful to check in with myself and ask: What am I unwilling to feel right now? Can I be with this?
When we name our emotions, they gradually lose their power to take us over. While we can't stop the waves, we can learn how to surf them. And the good news is that no emotion is final. Emotions are always changing.
We can stop, take a deep breath, and acknowledge and honor our fear and other strong emotions with compassion. We can realize that it's really the Fear, the Anxiety, the Sadness, the Anger... that's paying us a visit and moving through us. It's not for us to hold alone - it's part of our collective human experience.
May we seek to recognize our emotions and use them to respond wisely to the circumstances of our lives and the world.
Below are a few resources to support you.
With love,
Sarah-Marie
Resources
[READING & LISTENING]
[Book] Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett - Explores how we can cultivate greater emotional intelligence, understanding our emotions and using them wisely.
[Podcast] Here's a great Unlocking Us episode with Marc Brackett and Brene Brown.
[Book] How Emotions are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett - Explores the science of how emotions are constructed (an interplay of brain, body and culture) and the real-life implications.
[Article] What is this Feeling? Anticipatory Grief and Other New Pandemic-Related Emotions by Esther Perel - Describes pandemic-related emotions and helpful strategies and practices for moving through them.
[Song] All Together Now by OK Go
Love this song! We're all together now alone in the chrysalis (where the caterpillar dissolves and assembles into a butterfly).
[POEM]
On Joy and Sorrow by Kahlil Gibran
Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.