Happy New Year! We’ve officially graduated from 2020. Maybe you’re feeling tired, relieved, sad, grateful, hopeful, or anything in between. I know 2020 has pushed me to my edge many times. So many of us have experienced loss and hurt this past year – I hope you’re creating space for what you need right now.
2020 was an extraordinary year: from the promise of starting a new decade, to the pandemic, to rapidly shifting how we live, work, and connect, to reflecting on and reckoning with systemic racism, to grappling with record-breaking natural disasters, to experiencing a divisive US election – with many big and small moments in between.
It has stripped us of our “normal” ways and unearthed so much that needed tending on an individual and collective level. It has broken us open to create new possibilities for how we live, work, and relate to each other and the planet. It has made some things simpler and others more complex. It has invited us to consider what truly matters.
Upon reflecting on 2020, I wanted to share four (of many) lessons and big questions I’ll be carrying into 2021 below. I welcome your thoughts, reflections, and living some of these questions alongside each other.
I’m deeply grateful for you and this community of wildly curious, purpose-driven, and kind people. Thank you for reading and your support. I hope 2021 brings more joy and ease than difficulty for you.
With love and gratitude,
Sarah-Marie
Turning the Page on 2020 with Four Lessons & Big Questions
1. Embrace our shared humanity.
While 2020 was the most physically isolating year of my life, it has also shown me how interconnected and interdependent we truly are. While I’ve intellectually known that we’re both separate and not, 2020 gave me an embodied sense of our shared humanity. We all experienced difficulty and hurt to some degree. We may have felt lonely and disconnected at times. And we all wanted safety, wellbeing, and connection for ourselves and loved ones. No matter what we go through, we are never alone in our experience. This knowing has given me comfort and allows me to access more kindness and compassion for myself and all beings.
How might compassion and kindness inform your actions in 2021?
2. We heal in relationship.
Most of us have our first experiences of hurt and trauma in relationship with others. And yet as social creatures, we also heal best in supportive relationship with others and ourselves. Our inner work and societal work are intertwined. We make up the communities and systems we’re a part of, and our actions matter and have ripple effects. 2020 has amplified a lot in our collective consciousness – from systemic racism, to polarization, to climate change, to collective trauma. We’ve got a lot to work with in 2021 and beyond.
To heal and address all that’s unjust and broken, we need to be in right relationship with ourselves, each other, and the earth. Reverend Jennifer Bailey said: “Relationships move at the speed of trust, but social change moves at the speed of relationships.” We need to recognize our shared humanity and meet each other across difference. May we remember that we’re all products of our conditioning and look for the goodness underneath. May we approach each other with respect and kindness in all of our interactions. May we honor and protect our planet.
What kind of context do you want to create for your relationships in 2021? What will most serve healing?
3. Give yourself permission to feel and be with.
"'Free' is not free from feelings, but free to feel each one and let it move on, unafraid of the movement of life." - Jack Kornfield
2020 allowed me to experience the full range of difficult feelings. Fear visited often. As did Anxiety, Grief, Shame, Loneliness, and Anger. Maybe they came to see you as well. Whenever I resisted and turned away from the feeling, it just kept asking for my attention. It wanted to be seen and acknowledged for trying to protect me. Emotions have a beginning, middle, and end. Exhaustion happens when we get stuck in them - when we don’t complete the full cycle. When we fully allow what is to be here, we create space for our experience to change naturally.
For example, when we notice Fear (and associated negative thoughts), we can meet it with curiosity and explore our embodied experience of it. I often ask myself: What’s happening inside me right now? Can I be with this? Where do I experience Fear in the body? Then I try to stay with the changing sensations. I ask myself: What does the fearful part of me most need right now? And I extend kindness inwardly (and often place both hands on my heart to add a soothing touch). In this way, we can expand our capacity to be with more and more of life. We can be free to respond creatively instead of being reactive.
What do you need to give yourself permission to feel/be with in 2021?
4. Everything is workable.
2020 has humbled me. I’ve realized just how much is outside of my control. The year has changed plans for all of us and asked us to be creative and adaptable within new constraints. In my case, I tried settling in a new city while being physically isolated from others, adjusted to being in place after years of frequent travel and movement, adapted and moved all of my offerings online, …
I’ve realized that life becomes more workable when I don’t let the small, fear-based self run the show and make it all about myself. Every day, I affirmed my intention to let life use me well and be a contribution (inspired by my mindfulness meditation mentor). I've grown to trust that everything is an opportunity to grow and that we can pause and respond with intention no matter what happens.
We may not know the whole path, but life will always show us the next best step forward. We can trust in the self-generating mechanism of life. When in doubt, I’ve learned to go further in. Our body knows. We can take a moment to pause and sense how the whole of a life situation feels in us without judging or analyzing it. We can notice and cultivate our body’s innate “felt-sense” capacity—a subtle bodily sensation of a situation that lives somewhere between our conscious and unconscious mind. From this place, new awareness can emerge, and new perspectives and actions become possible.
What’s the next best step you can take in 2021?
