You already always belong 💗

 
You already always belong.jpg

“You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all.” - Maya Angelou

So much feels separate and divided in these times. While our bodies may be physically distanced from each other, our hearts don't need to be. 

We already always belong to everyone and everything. Yet we experience ourselves as separate. It's a paradox we all navigate. 

Seeing ourselves as separate, our differences become distorted into othering and give rise to systems of domination and oppression. While we are not the same, we are not separate. The victim and the perpetrator are not separate. Liberals and conservatives are not separate. Our impacted ecosystems and we who contribute to our climate crisis are not separate. 

How do we step out of the fiction of separation? What if belonging is not a place outside of ourselves but a set of skills and practices we can cultivate? 

As someone who felt a conditional sense of belonging (following the "rules for fitting in") growing up and has lived in many places, much of my journey has been a quest to find true belonging. I realized it starts within and, as Maya Angelou said, is "no place at all."  

The practice of belonging starts with understanding our own history and where we come from. It involves working with our layers of conditioning, limiting beliefs, self-judgment, biases, etc. And it focuses on cultivating kindness and compassion for ourselves, each other, and all beings. 

An invitation that Toko-pa Turner makes in her beautiful book Belonging is to let our longing to belong guide us in actively creating belonging for ourselves and others. She writes:  

"Where you long for the friend who calls only to find out if you’re well, be that caller for another. ... Where you ache to be recognized, allow yourself to be seen. Where you long to be known, sit next to someone and listen for the apertures into what they love. Where you wish you felt necessary, give those gifts away."  

What does belonging mean to you? 

Who and/or what are you inviting into belonging with you? 

May you know that you already always belong and live from that place. 

Below are a few resources that I hope may be supportive for you.

In belonging,

Sarah-Marie

Resources 

[REFLECTION] 

On Belonging

  • What does belonging mean to me?

  • With whom or what have/haven't I felt belonging in my life?

  • How do I relate to the idea that we are not separate? 

  • How do I relate to the idea that we are not the same? 


[READING & LISTENING] 

Below are a few books and podcast episodes that I've found helpful in my own journey of practicing belonging. I hope some of them may be supportive for you as well.  

 

[Poem] 

From The House of Belonging by David Whyte  
This is the bright home
in which I live,
this is where
I ask
my friends
to come,
this is where I want
to love all the things
it has taken me so long
to learn to love.
This is the temple
of my adult aloneness
and I belong
to that aloneness
as I belong to my life.
There is no house
like the house of belonging.


[GUIDED MEDITATIONS] 

 

Can I be with this? Cultivating resilience.

 
Can I be with this?.jpg
 

What a year 2020 has been so far. We've all been asked to expand our capacity to be with pain, change, and uncertainty in these turbulent times.

As Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha wrote: “Every challenge you encounter in life is a fork in the road. You have the choice to choose which way to go - backward, forward, breakdown or breakthrough.”

We can actively cultivate resilience in the face of life's challenges. With mindfulness and compassion, we can be with and effectively navigate more and more of the experiences that life presents to us. We can bounce back and recover ourselves when we lose our ground.

When we encounter difficult emotions or experience, we can take a breath and ask: Can I be with this? Gradually and with kindness, we can learn to stay with our inner experience and expand our capacity to respond intentionally.

Over the past few months, I've been asking myself this question many times a day, and I've found it creates more inner space to carry on. 

Below are a few reminders and practices that I've found helpful:  

  1. Change is the only constant. With mindfulness, everything becomes more workable. This too shall pass. 

  2. Remember that difficulty and suffering are a part of life and all beings want to be well and loved. We are never alone in our experience of hurt.  

  3. See crises as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable challenges. We can learn to surf the waves and realize that everything is workable.  

  4. Be kind with yourself and others. Start close in tending to your own emotions and needs. Pay attention to the demands of the physical body and rest, nourish, and move as needed. 

  5. Cultivate self-trust and a positive view of yourself. Listen to your own inner guidance and work with your inner critic. Self-compassion can be very supportive.

  6. Be in community with others. Accept help when needed and offer help to others, when possible. Contribute to and stay engaged with family, friends, colleagues, and community.  

  7. Take action in small and bigger ways towards creating a more compassionate, equitable and beautiful world. 

Everything becomes more workable as we stay open, flexible, and connected to the bigger picture. 
 

How have you been cultivating resilience? What practices might you try?

Below are a few more resources that I hope may be helpful for you. 

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[LISTENING, WATCHING & LEARNING] 

[PRACTICE]  

Guided Meditations 

 

Shall we dance with Uncertainty?

 

How can we hold uncertainty in life-giving ways?

This is a question I've been living for years. It feels more urgent now than ever before. Our future feels palpably more uncertain. Nobody knows how all of this will unfold. That's a lot to hold for all of us individually and collectively.

It's also true that life has always been uncertain. And change is the only constant.

As Pema Chödrön writes: “The root of suffering is resisting the certainty that no matter what the circumstances, uncertainty is all we truly have.” At least we have that certainty!

Accepting and embracing this can empower us to choose how to be with and respond to uncertainty. While it's still a work in progress, changing my attitude towards uncertainty has helped me better navigate this time of crisis.

What's also helped is dancing with uncertainty, both figuratively and literally. James Brown writes: “The one thing that can solve most of our problems is dancing.” Maybe it can't solve all problems, but dancing has helped me a lot.

I take dance breaks as a daily practice and when I feel triggered by bad news, a change in plans, something scary, ... It prevents me from going into fight/flight/freeze mode and helps me open to new perspectives, alternatives, and possibilities. It allows me to express and move through my emotions and cultivate positive ones.

Dancing with uncertainty helps me see there's always a way to move forward.

So, shall we dance?

Below are a few resources to support you.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[PRACTICE] Dancing with Uncertainty

Purpose: To connect with your body, express and move through your feelings, and generate positive emotion.

Create a playlist with songs that bring you joy and dance to it by yourself or (virtually) with others for at least 10 min every day.

[POEM] by Rumi

"Dance, if you've torn the bandage off.

Dance in the middle of the fighting.

Dance in your blood.

Dance when you're perfectly free."

 

Who and how do you want to be?

 

In a way, this crisis brings all of us into the present moment like never before.

This is the Great Pause.

We are seeing what happens when much of the world simply stops. As challenging and heartbreaking this experience is, it's also one of the best opportunities we ever had to take stock. To be present to what's not working in our society and our lives. To return to what and who truly matters. To remember and clarify our aspirations. To vision and create anew.

I've been sitting with the questions:

  1. Who and how do I want to be in this crisis and beyond?

  2. What is worth returning to and what is worth creating anew? 

I'd love to invite you to join me in living these questions in the weeks ahead.

A more equitable, compassionate, and sustainable world is possible. Together, we can move in the right direction. 

Below are a few resources to support you.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[PRACTICE] Walking with a Question

Purpose: To unplug and create space for new insights and ideas to emerge around a question you're holding in your life/work. 

Go for a long walk by yourself without your phone or with your phone switched off. Be present to your surroundings with your senses awake. If possible, spend some time amidst trees and plants. You may want to take a question you're currently holding on your walk and see what insights arise. 


[POEM]

Grace and the Great Turning by Joanna Macy

When you act on behalf
  of something greater than yourself,
  you begin
    to feel it acting through you
with a power that is greater than your own.

This is grace.

Today, as we take risks
  for the sake of something greater
  than our separate, individual lives,
  we are feeling graced
  by other beings and by Earth itself.

Those with whom and on whose behalf we act
  give us strength
    and eloquence
      and staying power
       we didn't know we had.

We just need to practice knowing that
  and remembering that we are sustained
    by each other
      in the web of life.
Our true power comes as a gift, like grace,
  because in truth it is sustained by others.

If we practice drawing on the wisdom
  and beauty
    and strengths
      of our fellow humans
      and our fellow species
we can go into any situation
  and trust
    that the courage and intelligence required
      will be supplied.

 

We were made for these times

 

If ever there's been a time for us to explore ways we can deepen our presence and compassion and nourish our connection with each other, this is it. 

I often think of my late grandmother who raised me. She lived through WWII and told me stories of great uncertainty, loss, deprivation, and suffering. She also told me stories of rebuilding after the war had ended. I think of all of my ancestors who survived past epidemics, natural disasters, and wars. And I am reminded that we all are part of something greater, of generations of survivors across history. We carry their resilience inside of us. 

I know many of us are experiencing a range of emotions - fear, anxiety, sadness, grief, frustration, anger, ... It's all normal as we're seeking to find our way through this. We can stop, take a deep breath, and acknowledge and honor our fear with compassion. We might say, "Thank you for trying to protect me. I am OK for now." And we might open to the resilience that has been passed down to us from our ancestors. 

Who and how do you want to be in this crisis? What's your sincere intention or aspiration? Take a moment to connect with your heart and listen for an answer. Let it be your North Star. Let it remind you of what matters most whenever you need it.

We were made for these times. 

Below are a few resources to support you.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[PRACTICE] Self-Compassion Break

Adapted from Kristin Neff. 

Bring to mind a difficult situation in your life. Sense into the stress and discomfort of this situation and see if you can feel it in your body, heart, and mind. 

Step 1. Acknowledge the difficulty, stress, and/or pain of this moment. 
You may say to yourself: 

  • This hurts.

  • Ouch.

  • This is stress.

Step 2. Acknowledge that difficulty and pain/discomfort are a part of life. 
You may say to yourself: 

  • Other people feel this way.

  • I’m not alone.

  • We all struggle in our lives.

Now, put your hands over your heart and feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch of your hands on your chest. Or adopt the soothing touch you discovered felt right for you.

Step 3. Offer kindness to yourself. 
Ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to show kindness to myself?” 
You may say to yourself: 

  • It’s ok. 

  • May I learn to accept myself just as I am. 

  • May I forgive myself. 

  • May I be strong.

  • May I be patient. 

If you’re having difficulty finding the right words, imagine that a good friend or loved one is facing the same challenge as you. What would you say to this person? What simple message would you like to share with your friend? Now offer that message to yourself. 


[PRACTICE] Acknowledging Our Fear 

We can stop, take a deep breath, and acknowledge and honor our fear with compassion. We might say, "Thank you for trying to protect me. I am OK for now." And we might open to the resilience that has been passed down to us from our ancestors who have survived crises in the past. 


[POEM]

Allow by Danna Faulds 
There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt,
containing a tornado. Dam a
stream, and it will create a new
channel. Resist, and the tide
will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry
you to higher ground. The only
safety lies in letting it all in –
the wild with the weak; fear,
fantasies, failures and success.
When loss rips off the doors of
the heart, or sadness veils your
vision with despair, practice
becomes simply bearing the truth.