It feels like we’re in a collective pressure cooker. So many of us are stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed right now. It feels hard to stay on top of the basics, let alone make plans for the future or commit to new things. On top of everything else, the tension around the US election can be hard to be with. It’s easy to slip into fear-based thinking and rumination on worst-case scenarios.
It doesn’t help that the brain has a negativity bias (very helpful back in the day when we were fleeing from predators) which constantly scans for bad news, laser focuses on it, overreacts to it, and then becomes sensitized to the negative over time. It leads to a lot of unnecessary suffering and stress and negatively impacts our relationships with others.
How can we intentionally balance out that negativity focus and open to what is good in our life right now?
I love psychologist Rick Hanson’s framework for thinking about our three major human needs – safety, satisfaction, and connection. He ties them to the three major stages of evolution of the brain – reptilian brain stem (focused on avoiding threat/harm), mammalian subcortex (focused on pursuing rewards), and the primate/human neocortex (bonding with others). In short, he says, it’s beneficial to “pet the lizard, feed the mouse, and hug the monkey.”
Below are a few simple practices for petting the lizard, feeding the mouse, and hugging the monkey in these hard times:
🦎Pet the lizard
When we notice fear arising, we can pause and reestablish a sense of safety. Take a few deep breaths and let go of any tension and anxiety when you exhale. Adjust your posture to a more comfortable position. Maybe say to the fear: "Thank you for trying to protect me. Thank you for trying to take care of me. I am OK for now." Remind yourself as you go about the day that you are safe and ok in this moment.
🐭Feed the mouse
As we move through the day, we can open to experiences of feeling fed, fulfilled, or satisfied. When we feel more fulfilled in the moment, we experience less frustration, longing, disappointment, and craving.
Below are a few opportunities to practice:
Pay attention to the good things in your life daily. It could be hearing a bird sing, enjoying a good meal, listening to music you enjoy, … Be with the good you notice for at least three breaths to really let it sink in.
Open to a sense of being supported by the breath, your senses, your organs, the ground beneath you, sunlight, water, plants, …
Savor little wins such as making your bed, washing a dish, sending an email, remembering to drink water, …
Appreciate acts of kindness and support from others.
🐒Hug the monkey
We can open to a sense of being cared for and loved. Imagine being in the presence of someone you know cares about you and wishes you well. It could be a loved one, a pet, or a spiritual figure. Open up to what it feels like in your whole being to know that someone deeply cares about you. You can put your hands over your heart and feel the warmth and gentle touch on your chest. Allow yourself to fully take in the care and love.
The more we can handle our own stress and tend to our needs, the more available we are to support others and take intentional action.
How are you tending to your needs in these times?
May you feel safe.
May you feel fulfilled.
May you feel deeply loved.
With love,
Sarah-Marie
Resources
Guided Meditations
RAIN of Self-Compassion [16:34] to work with difficult emotions and cultivate self-compassion.
Self-Compassion Break [10:42] to work with a difficulty in your life.
Coming Home to Presence [16:59] to practice mindfulness of breath, body, and emotions.
Lovingkindness for Self & Others [19:51] to cultivate kindness toward yourself and others.
Cultivating Compassion for Others [10:56] to practice cultivating compassion for others who are struggling