What brings you joy? 😊

 
What brings you joy.jpg

What brings you joy?

I recently asked dear friends this question during a virtual gathering. Here are some of the things they shared that bring them joy:

  • Enjoying nature (sunsets, hikes, observing life all around)

  • Dancing and movement

  • Music

  • Expression (singing, painting, poetry, …)

  • Massages

  • Deep conversations and community

  • Serendipity

  • Sense of potential and possibility

  • CATS!

The more we cultivate joy and wellbeing, the more the benefits will ripple out to all areas of our life. In these difficult times, the world needs all the kindness and joy we can bring to it.

What stands between us and joy?

In our troubled world, it’s easy to fixate on the difficulties and get caught in spirals of anxiety and worry. Our brain’s negativity bias wires us to look for what’s wrong. We’re rarely present in the moment. We’re on our way to somewhere else, doing the next thing and anticipating the challenges that may await just around the corner.

Or we might get caught in “if only” thinking: “If only I had a life partner… If only I had complete financial freedom… If only I lived somewhere else... If only I had a different X…” We think something is missing for us to be truly content.

Henri Nouwen wrote: “Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”

Given our evolutionary pull to focus on the negative, it takes intention to cultivate joy in our life. We can practice turning our attention to what’s good even in the midst of difficult times and facing injustice and oppression. Albert Camus said: "The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."

Choosing joy does not mean pushing away difficult emotions when they’re present. Choosing joy gives us more space to feel all of our emotions and hold them with kindness and compassion. We give ourselves permission to be just where we are, while recognizing that things are always changing, and no feeling is final.

What brings you joy?

May you be present to all the goodness in your life.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources 

[PRACTICES]

Notice Joy When It's Here

Pay attention to when you are feeling joyful throughout your week. What does joy feel like in your body, mind, and heart when it arises? Open to and take in joyful moments when you’re in the middle of them.

Keep a Joy List

  1. Take a few minutes to write down everything that brings you joy (simple things, activities and experiences, etc.)

  2. Put a check mark next to the things that are already a regular part of your life.

  3. Circle the things that you could include in your life these days.

  4. Keep your list updated and regularly choose something from the list to practice cultivating joy. Try to be fully present for the joyful moments as you experience them.

Dance to Joyful Music

One of my favorite daily practices! Create a playlist with songs that bring you joy and dance to it by yourself or (virtually) with others for at least 10 min every day.

If you're looking for songs to try, I love Everything by City of the Sun and The Leap by Sounds of Isha. :)

[POEM] 

Walk Slowly from Go In and In by Danna Faulds

It only takes a reminder to breathe, a moment to be still, and just like that, something in me settles, softens, makes space for imperfection. The harsh voice of judgment drops to a whisper and I remember again that life isn’t a relay race; that we will all cross the finish line; that waking up to life is what we were born for. As many times as I forget, catch myself charging forward without even knowing where I’m going, that many times I can make the choice to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk slowly into the mystery.

[GUIDED MEDITATIONS]

 

Hug the monkey 🐵

 
Hug the monkey.jpg

It feels like we’re in a collective pressure cooker. So many of us are stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed right now. It feels hard to stay on top of the basics, let alone make plans for the future or commit to new things. On top of everything else, the tension around the US election can be hard to be with. It’s easy to slip into fear-based thinking and rumination on worst-case scenarios. 
 
It doesn’t help that the brain has a negativity bias (very helpful back in the day when we were fleeing from predators) which constantly scans for bad news, laser focuses on it, overreacts to it, and then becomes sensitized to the negative over time. It leads to a lot of unnecessary suffering and stress and negatively impacts our relationships with others.


How can we intentionally balance out that negativity focus and open to what is good in our life right now?

I love psychologist Rick Hanson’s framework for thinking about our three major human needs – safety, satisfaction, and connection. He ties them to the three major stages of evolution of the brain – reptilian brain stem (focused on avoiding threat/harm), mammalian subcortex (focused on pursuing rewards), and the primate/human neocortex (bonding with others). In short, he says, it’s beneficial to “pet the lizard, feed the mouse, and hug the monkey.”

Below are a few simple practices for petting the lizard, feeding the mouse, and hugging the monkey in these hard times: 


🦎Pet the lizard

When we notice fear arising, we can pause and reestablish a sense of safety. Take a few deep breaths and let go of any tension and anxiety when you exhale. Adjust your posture to a more comfortable position. Maybe say to the fear: "Thank you for trying to protect me. Thank you for trying to take care of me. I am OK for now." Remind yourself as you go about the day that you are safe and ok in this moment.


🐭Feed the mouse

As we move through the day, we can open to experiences of feeling fed, fulfilled, or satisfied. When we feel more fulfilled in the moment, we experience less frustration, longing, disappointment, and craving.
 
Below are a few opportunities to practice:

  • Pay attention to the good things in your life daily. It could be hearing a bird sing, enjoying a good meal, listening to music you enjoy, … Be with the good you notice for at least three breaths to really let it sink in.

  • Open to a sense of being supported by the breath, your senses, your organs, the ground beneath you, sunlight, water, plants, …

  • Savor little wins such as making your bed, washing a dish, sending an email, remembering to drink water, …

  • Appreciate acts of kindness and support from others.

 
🐒Hug the monkey

We can open to a sense of being cared for and loved. Imagine being in the presence of someone you know cares about you and wishes you well. It could be a loved one, a pet, or a spiritual figure. Open up to what it feels like in your whole being to know that someone deeply cares about you. You can put your hands over your heart and feel the warmth and gentle touch on your chest. Allow yourself to fully take in the care and love. 

 
The more we can handle our own stress and tend to our needs, the more available we are to support others and take intentional action.

How are you tending to your needs in these times? 

May you feel safe.
May you feel fulfilled. 
May you feel deeply loved. 

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

Guided Meditations 

 

You are not your thoughts 💭

 
You are not your thoughts

What kinds of thoughts regularly fill your mind?
 
Do your thoughts inspire a sense of care, interest, or possibility? Or do they bring up a sense of fear, discontent, or separation?
 
In these crazy times, I’ve noticed that it’s very easy for me to slip into thought patterns that create a sense of fear, worry, and separation. It’s particularly pronounced when I look at the stream of bad news (which I try to limit).
 
Our thoughts are evolution’s way of trying to keep us safe and oriented. We all have an inherent negativity bias and dwell on the negative. As psychologist Rick Hanson likes to say: “The mind is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.”
 
As a short experiment, close your eyes and bring to mind the word “trouble.” Just notice what it’s like to have the word “trouble” floating around inside. Then let go of “trouble” and bring to mind the word “kindness.” Notice what that’s like. What did you notice about your emotional and physical experience?
 
We can come to believe that the constant inner dialogue of worries, judgments and rumination accurately represents how our lives and the world really are. That can trap us in negative mood states and create tension and stress in the body.
 
Mindfulness allows us to look deeply at our thoughts in a kind and nonjudgmental way. It does not mean stopping the thinking. The mind will think anything because that's what the mind does. We can learn that thoughts and stories are always present but not always true. We can use our thoughts wisely - without being trapped in them - to move forward and address the challenges we encounter. 

I've found the waterfall metaphor for working with thoughts very helpful: 

You don't have to stand underneath the waterfall of thoughts. You can take a few steps back and find refuge beneath an overhang where you can observe the powerful cascading stream of thoughts without being consumed by it. You can start naming your thoughts, observe their patterns, and hold them lightly to free yourself from their grip. 

What are the issues or themes that regularly take over your mind?

You are not your thoughts. 

Below are a few resources that I hope may be supportive for you.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

 

Resources 

[PRACTICES] 

Self-Reflection on Thought Patterns 

To deepen your awareness around your thought patterns, I invite you to reflect and journal on the following:  

  • What are your top 10 issues or themes that regularly take over your mind?

  • Choose several of the themes you've identified that are strong—perhaps ones that bring up anxiety or anger—and find a few words that you can use to name each of them. 

 

[POEM] 

Thanking a Monkey from An Invitation by Kaveri Patel 

There’s a monkey in my mind
swinging on a trapeze,
reaching back to the past
or leaning into the future,
never standing still.
 
Sometimes I want to kill
that monkey, shoot it square
between the eyes so I won’t
have to think anymore
or feel the pain of worry.
 
But today I thanked her
and she jumped down
straight into my lap,
trapeze still swinging
as we sat still. 

Guided Meditations