(Re)opening to Joy 🍓

 

I recently found a big, juicy heart-shaped strawberry in a box of strawberries as I was making breakfast (see proof below ). I LOVE strawberries and instantly was filled with excitement over receiving this unexpected gift wrapped in red and green. As I held the strawberry in my palm, I was transported back to childhood memories going strawberry picking in the fields during the summer. I remembered the smell of strawberries in the air, the thrill of searching for and discovering them under the leaves, and the absolute pleasure of eating as many of them as I could. I made the strawberry heart the crowning addition of my breakfast creation and savored every bite.

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Delighting in this strawberry filled me with so much joy. After 1+ years filled with challenges which have tested (and continue to test) us all, it felt like an invitation from life to (re)open to joy. To just be alive in the moment. To open to the pleasure of the senses. To find simple delights everywhere - the taste of a favorite food, a hug from a loved one, the light during golden hour.

Danna Faulds writes: “All you ever longed for is before you in this moment if you dare draw in a breath and whisper “yes”.”

It will take time to heal and recover individually and collectively, and it’s important to be gentle with ourselves and create space for all the emotions that need to be felt. We can go slow as we figure out how to re-engage with each other in-person and co-create new ways of relating and working together. Opening to joy and life’s simple delights can be a helpful companion along the way.

Given our evolutionary pull to focus on the negative, it takes intention to cultivate joy in our life. We can practice turning our attention to what’s good even amidst the challenges and actively engage in activities that spark joy in us. We can also actively open to joy and savor joyful moments when we’re in the middle of them.

What brings you joy? What does joy feel like in your body, mind, and heart when it arises?

In joy,

Sarah-Marie


 

What brings you joy? 😊

 
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What brings you joy?

I recently asked dear friends this question during a virtual gathering. Here are some of the things they shared that bring them joy:

  • Enjoying nature (sunsets, hikes, observing life all around)

  • Dancing and movement

  • Music

  • Expression (singing, painting, poetry, …)

  • Massages

  • Deep conversations and community

  • Serendipity

  • Sense of potential and possibility

  • CATS!

The more we cultivate joy and wellbeing, the more the benefits will ripple out to all areas of our life. In these difficult times, the world needs all the kindness and joy we can bring to it.

What stands between us and joy?

In our troubled world, it’s easy to fixate on the difficulties and get caught in spirals of anxiety and worry. Our brain’s negativity bias wires us to look for what’s wrong. We’re rarely present in the moment. We’re on our way to somewhere else, doing the next thing and anticipating the challenges that may await just around the corner.

Or we might get caught in “if only” thinking: “If only I had a life partner… If only I had complete financial freedom… If only I lived somewhere else... If only I had a different X…” We think something is missing for us to be truly content.

Henri Nouwen wrote: “Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”

Given our evolutionary pull to focus on the negative, it takes intention to cultivate joy in our life. We can practice turning our attention to what’s good even in the midst of difficult times and facing injustice and oppression. Albert Camus said: "The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."

Choosing joy does not mean pushing away difficult emotions when they’re present. Choosing joy gives us more space to feel all of our emotions and hold them with kindness and compassion. We give ourselves permission to be just where we are, while recognizing that things are always changing, and no feeling is final.

What brings you joy?

May you be present to all the goodness in your life.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources 

[PRACTICES]

Notice Joy When It's Here

Pay attention to when you are feeling joyful throughout your week. What does joy feel like in your body, mind, and heart when it arises? Open to and take in joyful moments when you’re in the middle of them.

Keep a Joy List

  1. Take a few minutes to write down everything that brings you joy (simple things, activities and experiences, etc.)

  2. Put a check mark next to the things that are already a regular part of your life.

  3. Circle the things that you could include in your life these days.

  4. Keep your list updated and regularly choose something from the list to practice cultivating joy. Try to be fully present for the joyful moments as you experience them.

Dance to Joyful Music

One of my favorite daily practices! Create a playlist with songs that bring you joy and dance to it by yourself or (virtually) with others for at least 10 min every day.

If you're looking for songs to try, I love Everything by City of the Sun and The Leap by Sounds of Isha. :)

[POEM] 

Walk Slowly from Go In and In by Danna Faulds

It only takes a reminder to breathe, a moment to be still, and just like that, something in me settles, softens, makes space for imperfection. The harsh voice of judgment drops to a whisper and I remember again that life isn’t a relay race; that we will all cross the finish line; that waking up to life is what we were born for. As many times as I forget, catch myself charging forward without even knowing where I’m going, that many times I can make the choice to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk slowly into the mystery.

[GUIDED MEDITATIONS]

 

Things Fall Apart. Things Come Together.

 
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“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” 

- Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart


It feels like 2020 is trying to break us. 

I've been amazed by the collective resilience shown in the face of so much adversity, loss, injustice, and trauma this year. We were made for times like this. 

And yet, in August with the raging wildfires in CA, continued racial injustice, and the election approaching, I noticed myself coming to the edge of my own resourcing. My usual resourcing practices weren't having much of an effect as I stayed inside my home in Oakland, without AC, windows and blinds closed, and a continuous stream of "bad news," for days.

Connecting with others, I realized I wasn't alone in hitting my capacity. We have a certain amount of energy to spend to cope with all that's been happening. With overlapping crises, we can get to a point where the amount of energy required exceeds the amount available. 

For the past couple of weeks, I've been taking a step back to recharge, slow down with work, and allow myself all the feelings. In order to be free, I can and must feel both joy and grief. Stopping feeling one blocks me from feeling the other.

Grief acknowledges what we love and value. Grief means allowing ourselves to fall apart in a world that values "holding it together." Through connecting to what we value, grief is a necessary part of knowing how to move forward. And so is finding joy in the little and big things. 

I'm inviting you to give yourself permission for the range of experiences you might be having right now. 

How might you make room for both grief and joy? What helps you recharge? 

Below are a few resources that I hope may be supportive for you.

With love,

Sarah-Marie 

 

Resources 

[READING & LISTENING] 

[POEM] 

On Joy and Sorrow by Kahlil Gibran 

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
     And he answered:
     Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
     And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
     And how else can it be?
     The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
     Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
     And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
     When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
     When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
    
     Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
     But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
     Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

     Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
     Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
     When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
 

[MICRO-PRACTICES] 

You can experiment with the following micro-practices that you can use to create mini-breaks in your day. They are super short and effective, especially in combination with regular mindfulness practice.  

Two Feet, One Breath

Feel one foot, then feel the other foot, and then take one conscious breath. 

STOP Technique

S- Stop for a moment. Don't react. Give yourself the gift of a brief reflection. 

T-Take a breath. Breathe in and out. Track your breath. Sense the chest rising and falling. 

O-Observe your experience. Notice the sensations in the body. Observe the thoughts or the story going through your mind, and appreciate that thoughts are not facts. Explore your emotions and get a sense of where you are in this moment. 
P - Proceed. Move forward in a way that feels right to you and is consistent with your values.  

Guided Meditations