What brings you joy? 😊

What brings you joy?

I recently asked dear friends this question during a virtual gathering. Here are some of the things they shared that bring them joy:

• Enjoying nature (sunsets, hikes, observing life all around)

• Dancing and movement

• Music

• Expression (singing, painting, poetry, …)

• Massages

• Deep conversations and community

• Serendipity

• Sense of potential and possibility

• CATS!

The more we cultivate joy and wellbeing, the more the benefits will ripple out to all areas of our life. In these difficult times, the world needs all the kindness and joy we can bring to it.

What stands between us and joy?

In our troubled world, it’s easy to fixate on the difficulties and get caught in spirals of anxiety and worry. Our brain’s negativity bias wires us to look for what’s wrong. We’re rarely present in the moment. We’re on our way to somewhere else, doing the next thing and anticipating the challenges that may await just around the corner.

Or we might get caught in “if only” thinking: “If only I had a life partner… If only I had complete financial freedom… If only I lived somewhere else... If only I had a different X…” We think something is missing for us to be truly content.

Henri Nouwen wrote: “Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”

Given our evolutionary pull to focus on the negative, it takes intention to cultivate joy in our life. We can practice turning our attention to what’s good even in the midst of difficult times and facing injustice and oppression. Albert Camus said: "The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."

Choosing joy does not mean pushing away difficult emotions when they’re present. Choosing joy gives us more space to feel all of our emotions and hold them with kindness and compassion. We give ourselves permission to be just where we are, while recognizing that things are always changing, and no feeling is final.

What brings you joy?

May you be present to all the goodness in your life.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources 

[PRACTICES]

Notice Joy When It's Here

Pay attention to when you are feeling joyful throughout your week. What does joy feel like in your body, mind, and heart when it arises? Open to and take in joyful moments when you’re in the middle of them.

Keep a Joy List

1. Take a few minutes to write down everything that brings you joy (simple things, activities and experiences, etc.)

2. Put a check mark next to the things that are already a regular part of your life.

3. Circle the things that you could include in your life these days.

4. Keep your list updated and regularly choose something from the list to practice cultivating joy. Try to be fully present for the joyful moments as you experience them.

Dance to Joyful Music

One of my favorite daily practices! Create a playlist with songs that bring you joy and dance to it by yourself or (virtually) with others for at least 10 min every day.

If you're looking for songs to try, I love Everything by City of the Sun and The Leap by Sounds of Isha. :)

[POEM] 

Walk Slowly from Go In and In by Danna Faulds

It only takes a reminder to breathe, a moment to be still, and just like that, something in me settles, softens, makes space for imperfection. The harsh voice of judgment drops to a whisper and I remember again that life isn’t a relay race; that we will all cross the finish line; that waking up to life is what we were born for. As many times as I forget, catch myself charging forward without even knowing where I’m going, that many times I can make the choice to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk slowly into the mystery.

[GUIDED MEDITATIONS]

• RAIN of Self-Compassion [16:34] to work with difficult emotions and cultivate self-compassion. 

• Self-Compassion Break [10:42] to work with a difficulty in your life.

• Coming Home to Presence [16:59] to practice mindfulness of breath, body, and emotions.

• Lovingkindness for Self & Others [19:51] to cultivate kindness toward yourself and others. 

• Cultivating Compassion for Others [10:56] to practice cultivating compassion for others who are struggling

Living in gratitude 🙏

What will you do to make the upcoming year as good as, if not better than, this year?

When I heard this question deck prompt during a holiday party this week, my initial mental chatter was: Are you kidding? As good as 2020? That’s a low bar. 2021 better be MUCH better!

But then I remembered my renewed commitment to look for what’s good.

As I reflected on 2020, I thought of the many things I’m grateful for: good health; a strong body and mind; family, friends, and community; the opportunity to do meaningful work; an abundance of opportunities to learn and grow; enough resources to live well; collective healing and reckoning; the beauty and resilience of nature; access to clean air and water; …

Gratitude is a powerful antidote to our mind’s negativity bias. Judging and focusing on challenges comes easily. When we’re stressed and contracted, it’s much harder to access gratitude. For most of us, seeing the good takes effort.

The effort is worth it as gratitude has many benefits. According to research by well-known gratitude researcher Robert Emmons, gratitude can increase joy, attentiveness, energy and determination; improve sleep; lower symptoms of physical pain; and make us feel more connected to and willing to support others.

While we can’t force gratitude, we can set an intention to be present for moments of gratitude and appreciation when they come naturally. We can also actively cultivate gratitude through intentional practices. The more we practice gratitude, the more natural it becomes.

How can we intentionally cultivate gratitude?

Below are eight simple ideas for cultivating gratitude:

1. Express your gratitude to others in the moment. Say “thank you” to others as often as possible.

2. Think of three things you're grateful for after you wake up or before you go to sleep.

3. Send someone a note of gratitude and appreciation.

4. Take a moment to share one thing you’re grateful for at dinner.

5. Do a daily gratitude exchange with a friend to both share what you’re grateful for that day.

6. Keep a gratitude journal (see below).

7. Do a gratitude meditation (see below).

8. Write a gratitude letter (see below).

What are you grateful for? How are you cultivating gratitude and looking for what’s good?

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[PRACTICES]

Gratitude Journal 

This is one of my go-to practices. Every day write down three things you are grateful for in your life in a journal. To keep thinking of different things you’re grateful for, you may consider the following categories: relationships (both present & past that have nurtured you), opportunities, something great that happened or you saw, and simple things close to you.

Gratitude Meditation

Find a comfortable position. Bring your attention to your heart center. How’s your heart? Does it feel open or closed? As you inhale, visualize breathing in kindness. With each exhale, allow any negative thoughts or worries to be released. Continue to breathe in kindness and breathe out any negativity that is ready to be released.

Reflect on some blessing in your life: a person, a group of people, a thing in your life you’re grateful for. Invite an image of that person or situation. Take a moment to silently send a thought of appreciation to that person, or to life for that situation, with a simple, sincere “thank you.” Let your awareness fully experience your gratitude, taking time to feel in your body the energy of that good thing in your life.

Do this with two or so other blessings and notice how you feel. Let yourself be filled with gratitude.

You may choose to express your gratitude directly to people who've come to mind in this practice.

Gratitude Letter 

Recommended by psychologist Martin Seligman.

Write a gratitude letter. Pick someone who you have a lot of gratitude for and write a letter appreciating all the ways they’ve contributed to your life. Then, either send it to them or better yet, read it out loud to them. Even if you don’t share the letter, it has an impact on our wellbeing. (If the person has passed away you could still try writing a letter to them.)

I sent about a dozen gratitude letters years ago when I graduated college to thank people who were my biggest supporters along that journey. While it took me several days to write the letters, it filled me with tremendous gratitude for all the people in my life and was a beautiful way to acknowledge them. I'll have to do another round soon.