Things Fall Apart. Things Come Together.

 
Things+Come+Together.+Things+Fall+Apart.jpg

“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” 

- Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart


It feels like 2020 is trying to break us. 

I've been amazed by the collective resilience shown in the face of so much adversity, loss, injustice, and trauma this year. We were made for times like this. 

And yet, in August with the raging wildfires in CA, continued racial injustice, and the election approaching, I noticed myself coming to the edge of my own resourcing. My usual resourcing practices weren't having much of an effect as I stayed inside my home in Oakland, without AC, windows and blinds closed, and a continuous stream of "bad news," for days.

Connecting with others, I realized I wasn't alone in hitting my capacity. We have a certain amount of energy to spend to cope with all that's been happening. With overlapping crises, we can get to a point where the amount of energy required exceeds the amount available. 

For the past couple of weeks, I've been taking a step back to recharge, slow down with work, and allow myself all the feelings. In order to be free, I can and must feel both joy and grief. Stopping feeling one blocks me from feeling the other.

Grief acknowledges what we love and value. Grief means allowing ourselves to fall apart in a world that values "holding it together." Through connecting to what we value, grief is a necessary part of knowing how to move forward. And so is finding joy in the little and big things. 

I'm inviting you to give yourself permission for the range of experiences you might be having right now. 

How might you make room for both grief and joy? What helps you recharge? 

Below are a few resources that I hope may be supportive for you.

With love,

Sarah-Marie 

 

Resources 

[READING & LISTENING] 

[POEM] 

On Joy and Sorrow by Kahlil Gibran 

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
     And he answered:
     Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
     And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
     And how else can it be?
     The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
     Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
     And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
     When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
     When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
    
     Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
     But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
     Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

     Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
     Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
     When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
 

[MICRO-PRACTICES] 

You can experiment with the following micro-practices that you can use to create mini-breaks in your day. They are super short and effective, especially in combination with regular mindfulness practice.  

Two Feet, One Breath

Feel one foot, then feel the other foot, and then take one conscious breath. 

STOP Technique

S- Stop for a moment. Don't react. Give yourself the gift of a brief reflection. 

T-Take a breath. Breathe in and out. Track your breath. Sense the chest rising and falling. 

O-Observe your experience. Notice the sensations in the body. Observe the thoughts or the story going through your mind, and appreciate that thoughts are not facts. Explore your emotions and get a sense of where you are in this moment. 
P - Proceed. Move forward in a way that feels right to you and is consistent with your values.  

Guided Meditations 

 

Remember the gold ✨

 
Remember the gold

"Perfection is not a prerequisite for anything but pain." - Danna Faulds 


There's a 10 feet tall Buddha statue at a monastery in Thailand. It was made from plaster and not particularly beautiful. A number of years ago, cracks appeared in the statue during a long dry period. The monks brought their pen flashlights to look inside the crack to maybe find out something about how the statue was built. When they shined the light into every crack, a flash of gold was reflected back. So, they chipped away at the plaster, which was just a covering, and rediscovered the largest pure solid gold statue of the Buddha in all of Southeast Asia. (Thai monks had covered the statue several hundred years earlier to protect it from an attack by the Burmese army.)  

Much in the same way, our layers of conditioning form our protective covering to try to shield ourselves from hurt. We are all products of our conditioning through our childhood experiences, our biology, and our culture. In the process, we can forget the gold underneath - who we really are. We start believing we're the covering, the ego-driven self. We believe the judgments of our inner critic and might feel shame, unworthiness, a sense of being deeply flawed, ... 

I've been examining and chipping away at the plaster for years. It's been a continuous practice to build my self-compassion muscles and free myself from the grip of my scathing inner critic. 

Who would I be if I didn't believe anything was wrong with me? 

I've been holding that question, which I first learned from Tara Brach. It's been a powerful inquiry. 

Recognizing that it's our conditioning, we can honestly see and work with our biases and counterproductive behaviors. We can treat ourselves with self-compassion and kindness as we work towards realizing our full potential. 

Who would you be if you didn't believe anything was wrong with you? 

Remember the gold. 

Below are a few resources to support you.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources  

Poem

Excerpt from “Awakening Now” by Danna Faulds

““I’m not worthy, I’m afraid, and my motives aren’t pure.

I’m not perfect, and surely I haven’t practiced nearly enough.

My meditation isn’t deep, and my prayers are sometimes insincere.

I still chew my fingernails, and the refrigerator isn’t clean.”

Do you value your reasons for staying small more than the light shining through the open door?

Forgive yourself.

Now is the only time you have to be whole.

Now is the sole moment that exists to live in the light of your true Self.

Perfection is not a prerequisite for anything but pain.

Please, oh please, don’t continue to believe in your disbelief.

This is the day of your awakening.”

Thanking Your Inner Critic

When you notice your inner critic as you go about your day, you can stop, take a conscious breath, and say "Thank you for trying to protect me. I've got this. I am OK for now." You can focus your attention on your breath, sound, or the sensations in your body to not get hijacked by the inner critic/judge and come back to the present moment.

Guided Meditations 

 

Defining choices

 
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“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves ... Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” - Rainer Maria Rilke

On August 1, 2006, I left the certainty of my small-town life in Germany for the possibility of a new and better life in the US.

I had been sitting with the question of moving to the US for a couple of years after learning about meditation through a book when I was 13. Intuitively, I would sit cross-legged on the thick blue carpet in my childhood bedroom and drop the question into my mind again and again. I felt myself expanding and contracting between deep fear of leaving all I knew (no matter how difficult) and the possibility of freedom and thriving. With time, the answer became clearer and more urgent. So I mustered all my courage to make the move right after my freshman year of high school.

Every year since, I've been honoring the day of my "rebirth" and celebrating that life-giving choice. It started a journey of deep inner work, healing, and coming home to myself. While life has its ups and downs, I never imagined my life could be this full of love, joy, wellbeing, community, contribution, and possibility.

I've continued my practice of living and holding big questions which has been informing my choices. It feels like collectively we are in a process of sensemaking and living the questions as we find our way forward amidst uncertainty.

What have been some of the defining choices in your life? How are you honoring them?

What big questions are you currently living?

Below are a few resources to support you.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources  

Poem

The Open Door from Root to Bloom by Danna Faulds

A door opens. Maybe I’ve

been standing here shuffling

my weight from foot to fot

for decades, or maybe I only

knocked once. In truth, it

doesn’t matter. A door opens

and I walk through without a

backward glance. This is it,

then, the moment of truth in

a lifetime of truth: a choice

made, a path taken, the

gravitational pull of Spirit

too compelling to ignore any

longer. I am received by

something far too vast to see.

It has roots in antiquity but

speaks clearly in the present

tense. “Be” the vastness says.

“Be without adverbs, descriptors,

or qualities.” Be so alive that

awareness bares itself

uncloaked and unadorned.

Then go forth to give what you

alone can give, awake to love

and suffering, unburdened by

the weight of expectations.

go forth to see and be seen,

blossoming, always blossoming

into your magnificence.”

Guided Meditations 

 

Keep going. No feeling is final.

 
Just keep going. No feeling is final.jpg
 
 

"Just keep going. No feeling is final." - Rainer Maria Rilke 

I needed that reminder this week as the days, weeks, and months have been blurring together into one steady stream of hyperlocal existence. I reminisced about my previous geoflexible life of 1.5 years, being more at home in the sky than in any physical place. And I dreamed of all the places I wanted to go and friends and family I wanted to see again. 

Being caught in thoughts about the past and future, now felt deficient and unsatisfying. I felt disconnected from myself and others. 

I reminded myself that we mostly can't control things, but we can participate with what's emerging around us, between us, and through us. That requires coming back to the present moment and asking ourselves:

What's happening inside me and around me right now? What am I feeling? What am I sensing? 

From this place of contact with what is, we can wake up to the gifts and shift to an abundance and sufficiency view. We can open to our innate resourcefulness, creativity, and the support around us as we respond and contribute to what's called for in these complex and uncertain times. 

As for me, I was able to relax back into letting things unfold and being patient while doing what I can to serve. 

The future emerges out of presence. What's happening inside you and around you right now? 

Below are a few resources that I hope may be helpful for you. 

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources  

Guided Meditations 

 

Can I be with this? Cultivating resilience.

 
Can I be with this?.jpg
 

What a year 2020 has been so far. We've all been asked to expand our capacity to be with pain, change, and uncertainty in these turbulent times.

As Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha wrote: “Every challenge you encounter in life is a fork in the road. You have the choice to choose which way to go - backward, forward, breakdown or breakthrough.”

We can actively cultivate resilience in the face of life's challenges. With mindfulness and compassion, we can be with and effectively navigate more and more of the experiences that life presents to us. We can bounce back and recover ourselves when we lose our ground.

When we encounter difficult emotions or experience, we can take a breath and ask: Can I be with this? Gradually and with kindness, we can learn to stay with our inner experience and expand our capacity to respond intentionally.

Over the past few months, I've been asking myself this question many times a day, and I've found it creates more inner space to carry on. 

Below are a few reminders and practices that I've found helpful:  

  1. Change is the only constant. With mindfulness, everything becomes more workable. This too shall pass. 

  2. Remember that difficulty and suffering are a part of life and all beings want to be well and loved. We are never alone in our experience of hurt.  

  3. See crises as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable challenges. We can learn to surf the waves and realize that everything is workable.  

  4. Be kind with yourself and others. Start close in tending to your own emotions and needs. Pay attention to the demands of the physical body and rest, nourish, and move as needed. 

  5. Cultivate self-trust and a positive view of yourself. Listen to your own inner guidance and work with your inner critic. Self-compassion can be very supportive.

  6. Be in community with others. Accept help when needed and offer help to others, when possible. Contribute to and stay engaged with family, friends, colleagues, and community.  

  7. Take action in small and bigger ways towards creating a more compassionate, equitable and beautiful world. 

Everything becomes more workable as we stay open, flexible, and connected to the bigger picture. 
 

How have you been cultivating resilience? What practices might you try?

Below are a few more resources that I hope may be helpful for you. 

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[LISTENING, WATCHING & LEARNING] 

[PRACTICE]  

Guided Meditations 

 

Start close in. Start with kindness. 💗

 
Start close in. Start with kindness.

If you would grow to your best self
Be patient, not demanding
Accepting, not condemning
Nurturing, not withholding
Self-marveling, not belittling
Gently guiding, not pushing and punishing
For you are more sensitive than you know
... accept, respect, and attend your sensitivity
A flower cannot be opened with a hammer.

From the poem "If You Would Grow - Shine the Light Of Loving Self-Care On Yourself" by Daniel F. Mead

For many years, I've had impossibly high expectations for myself and a relentless inner critic pointing out all the ways I was falling short. I believed being harsh with myself was the way to grow and become my best self. In a way, I was my own worst enemy without even realizing it. 

Learning to accept myself just as I am and treat myself with kindness has been a life-changing journey for me. I've realized that I can see the goodness and accept where I'm at while acknowledging all the ways I yet have to grow. For example, I can be kind with myself as I do the inner and outer work to contribute to dismantling systems of oppression. 

As Jack Kornfield said, "if your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete." We have to start close in. 

So how do we cultivate self-compassion and kindness? 

Self-compassion starts with mindfulness. It starts with turning toward and being with whatever difficult emotions or self-judgments we are present to in the moment. 

We then widen the lens to recognize our common humanity. We realize that all beings experience struggle and difficulty in their lives. We are never alone or isolated in our experience.

Out of a natural desire to alleviate suffering, we extend kindness inwardly. We treat ourselves with care, understanding, and support depending on what is most needed. 

If it feels difficult, it can be helpful to think of our inner child or how we would care for a child or a pet. To get in touch with compassion for our inner child, we may look at a picture of ourselves as a young child.

As we acknowledge and care for what’s happening inside of us, we can become - as research has shown - more motivated, more persistent, more resilient, and less self-focused. We also strengthen our capacity to be with and tend to the difficulty others are experiencing. 

What in your life calls for more self-compassion? 

Below are a few resources that I hope may be helpful for you. 

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[LISTENING, WATCHING & LEARNING] 

 

[PRACTICE]  

Guided Meditations 


Self-Compassion Break   

Adapted from Kristin Neff. 

Bring to mind a difficult situation in your life. Sense into the stress and discomfort of this situation and see if you can feel it in your body, heart, and mind. 

Step 1. Acknowledge the difficulty, stress, and/or pain of this moment. 
You may say to yourself: 

  • This hurts.

  • Ouch.

  • This is stress.

Step 2. Acknowledge that difficulty and pain/discomfort are a part of life. 
You may say to yourself: 

  • Other people feel this way.

  • I’m not alone.

  • We all struggle in our lives.

Now, put your hands over your heart and feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch of your hands on your chest. Or adopt the soothing touch you discovered felt right for you.

Step 3. Offer kindness to yourself. 
Ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to show kindness to myself?” 
You may say to yourself: 

  • It’s ok. 

  • May I learn to accept myself just as I am. 

  • May I forgive myself. 

  • May I be strong.

  • May I be patient. 

If you’re having difficulty finding the right words, imagine that a good friend or loved one is facing the same challenge as you. What would you say to this person? What simple message would you like to share with your friend? Now offer that message to yourself. 

You can listen to a 10-min adapted version here. 
 

Anchor Phrase  

Choose a word or phrase that helps you stay connected to your intention and can support you through difficulty. You can use it anytime throughout the day when you encounter a challenging moment.

Some examples are:

  • It’s okay.

  • I can be with this. 

  • This, too, shall pass.

  • Yes, this hurts. May I stay open.

  • Yes, this hurts. May I be kind to myself.

  • Yes, this hurts. May I meet this moment with an open heart.


Gently say the phrase to yourself in that moment. You may also try supportive touch such as placing one or two hands on your heart, putting a hand on your cheek, holding one hand in your other hand in your lap, or giving yourself a hug. 

 

Where does it hurt? 💔

 
Where does it hurt.jpg

i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?
it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere.

from "What they did yesterday afternoon" by Warsan Shire

It's true that we all experience suffering in our lives. And it's true that our system of racism and oppression creates, what john powell calls, "surplus suffering." 

How do we keep our hearts open in the face of so much suffering? What's the work that needs doing?  

When our own needs are not met and we're stressed, our capacity for compassion is diminished. Others can appear to us as, what my mindfulness teacher Tara Brach calls, “unreal others.” They either become objects that we perceive as a threat or objects that we think can bring us more satisfaction. Or they appear as not relevant to us at all, and we barely notice them. Our othering of others is reinforced by our societal conditioning and implicit biases. 

How do we cultivate compassion and tend to the hurt? 

The first step is the intention to turn towards the suffering. To lean in. To create space to feel what we're feeling. To let ourselves be touched instead of turning away. We might inquire: Where does it hurt? What's it like for the other person? What does it feel like to feel like you don't belong, to feel unsafe, to feel violated, ...? We can cultivate the courage to open to what others are experiencing. 

The second step is to respond with care, in big and small ways. We can ask: What does this person / the world need right now? How can I contribute to that?

And compassion for others naturally needs to start with self-compassion. We need to honor and care for what’s happening inside of us to strengthen our capacity to be with the suffering of others.  

How are you responding to the call? What's yours to do?


Below are a few resources that I hope may be helpful for you. 

With love and solidarity, 
Sarah-Marie 

Resources

[LISTENING, WATCHING & LEARNING] 

[PRACTICE]  
Guided Meditations 

Practicing Daily Compassion   

You can practice compassion as you move through your day. As you come across others who are suffering, you can ask yourself: Where does it hurt? What's it like for the other person? And you can respond through a small or bigger act of care. For example, you could place a hand on your heart and send well wishes to the person.

 

Black Lives Matter. What's mine to do?

 
Black+Lives+Matter

I’ve been feeling deep sadness for the senseless murders of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and countless others. We are far from an equitable society when Black people face micro-aggressions at work, voter suppression, police violence, redlining, economic and health disparities, ... every day. It's been centuries of injustice, oppression, and suffering.

We must do the work to dismantle the system of racism and oppression in our lifetime. 

As a White German-American, who mostly grew up in a homogenous small town in Germany, I've been holding the following big questions: 

  • How have I been complicit in upholding and benefiting from the current system of racism and oppression?

  • How does racism live inside of me? What are my biases and blind spots? 

  • How have my upbringing and cultural context shaped my racial identity? 

  • What have I learned along the way? Who have been my biggest guides and teachers?

  • What's mine to do in dismantling the system of racism and oppression? 

I'm committed to continue to do the inner and outer work now and for the rest of my life. I'm committed to learning and unlearning. I'm committed to listening and having hard conversations. 

This work is messy. It can be uncomfortable. I know I make mistakes and won't get it perfect. It requires daily practice. 

I've been inspired by the work of many people and organizations across the US who are centering racial justice and sharing power in how they work and co-create. They are modeling a path forward. They help me see that it's possible to build, work, and live in a way worth passing on to future generations. 

Everyone one of us is needed. Every action matters.

Let's make a commitment to this work for the long haul. Let's take care of ourselves and each other along the way. Let's do it as a practice that sustains and evolves over time. 


I'm offering a few resources for learning and taking action below.

With love and solidarity,

Sarah-Marie  

Resources

[READING, LISTENING & WATCHING] 

[TOOLS]

[TAKING ACTION] 

 

Permission to Feel

 
What am I unwilling to feel?
 

These are deeply emotional times. Many of us are experiencing a range of emotions - fear, anxiety, sadness, grief, frustration, anger, ... as we're facing the consequences of the pandemic, the ineptitude of leaders, systemic oppression, injustice, precious lives lost, ... It's heartbreaking and enraging. 

As Ruth King writes in her book Mindful of Race, "anger is initiatory, but it's not transformative." It can point to what's important to us and help us take action. But we have to go a step further to investigate what's underneath it. What's underneath the anger? Maybe it's fear. And underneath that a deep care for others and ourselves.

Grounded in our caring, we can respond and act in a more intentional way and think about what's ours to do and contribute. 

As Pema Chodron said, "the emotions we have, the negativity and positivity, are exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, and fully alive.” It took me many years to learn this lesson as I sought to avoid negative emotions as much as possible. The result was that I felt numb much of the time. I felt less alive. 

I've found it helpful to check in with myself and ask: What am I unwilling to feel right now? Can I be with this?

When we name our emotions, they gradually lose their power to take us over. While we can't stop the waves, we can learn how to surf them. And the good news is that no emotion is final. Emotions are always changing. 

We can stop, take a deep breath, and acknowledge and honor our fear and other strong emotions with compassion. We can realize that it's really the Fear, the Anxiety, the Sadness, the Anger... that's paying us a visit and moving through us. It's not for us to hold alone - it's part of our collective human experience.

May we seek to recognize our emotions and use them to respond wisely to the circumstances of our lives and the world. 


Below are a few resources to support you. 

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[READING & LISTENING] 

  • [Book] Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett - Explores how we can cultivate greater emotional intelligence, understanding our emotions and using them wisely.

  • [Podcast] Here's a great Unlocking Us  episode with Marc Brackett and Brene Brown. 

  • [Book] How Emotions are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett - Explores the science of how emotions are constructed (an interplay of brain, body and culture) and the real-life implications.  

  • [Article] What is this Feeling? Anticipatory Grief and Other New Pandemic-Related Emotions by Esther Perel - Describes pandemic-related emotions and helpful strategies and practices for moving through them. 

  • [Song] All Together Now by OK Go 
    Love this song! We're all together now alone in the chrysalis (where the caterpillar dissolves and assembles into a butterfly).  

[POEM]

On Joy and Sorrow by Kahlil Gibran 

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
     And he answered:
     Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
     And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
     And how else can it be?
     The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
     Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
     And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
     When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
     When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
    
     Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
     But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
     Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

     Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
     Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
     When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

 

Don't prepare. Just show up.

 
Don't prepare. Just show up.jpg

"Don't prepare. Just show up."

This felt like radical life advice when I received it from my design thinking professor at Dartmouth as he gifted me the book Improv Wisdom by Patricia Ryan Madson. Taking his advice felt terrifying to me and at odds with my whole education experience and way of living. I was overprepared, wanted to optimize everything, and tried to plan out each step of the way. Fueled by a drive to avoid failure, that approach worked quite well for me to "succeed" throughout school. 

Since college, I've learned just how valuable my professor's advice was. And I'm seeing the value in it anew during this time of uncertainty. This is a time for just showing up to this moment as it's unfolding. 

The nature of life is change and uncertainty. We come alive in the act of balancing, not in being balanced. We can learn to embrace the wobble. As Patricia Ryan Madson writes: "Sensations change moment by moment; sometimes we feel secure, sometimes precarious. In the long run we develop tolerance for instability. As we come to accept this insecurity as the norm, as our home ground, it becomes familiar and less frightening." 

As we get better at being with change, we can practice sensemaking of what's emerging in this collective inflection point. We can say yes to what's arising and practice staying open and flexible so we can respond intentionally rather than being in fear-based reactive mode. 

Let's embrace the wobble together. 

Below are a few resources to support you. 

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[MIRCO-PRACTICES] Recentering 

I wanted to offer a few examples of micro-practices that you can use to recenter yourself throughout the day. When you are centered, you are most in touch with yourself and your resourcefulness, creativity, compassion, and wisdom. You are also more easily in touch with others and your surroundings. What micro-practice could you use to recenter yourself? 

Two Feet, One Breath

Feel one foot, then feel the other foot, and then take one conscious breath. 

Sensing into Mind, Heart & Body 

Take a few moments to check in with yourself. Allow your attention to drop deep within your belly. Sense your whole self from within - your body, your heart, and your mind. What are you present to (physical sensations, emotions, mood, thought patterns, clarity of mind, …)? Not to fix anything but to allow what's there. 

STOP Technique

Developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn. 

S- Stop for a moment. Don't react. Give yourself the gift of a brief reflection. 
T-Take a breath. Breathe in and out. Track your breath. Sense the chest rising and falling. 
O-Observe your experience. Notice the sensations in the body. Observe the thoughts or the story going through your mind, and appreciate that thoughts are not facts. Explore your emotions and get a sense of where you are in this moment. 
P - Proceed. Move forward in a way that feels right to you and is consistent with your values.

[POEM]

Cleave by David Whyte

 

Shall we dance with Uncertainty?

 

How can we hold uncertainty in life-giving ways?

This is a question I've been living for years. It feels more urgent now than ever before. Our future feels palpably more uncertain. Nobody knows how all of this will unfold. That's a lot to hold for all of us individually and collectively.

It's also true that life has always been uncertain. And change is the only constant.

As Pema Chödrön writes: “The root of suffering is resisting the certainty that no matter what the circumstances, uncertainty is all we truly have.” At least we have that certainty!

Accepting and embracing this can empower us to choose how to be with and respond to uncertainty. While it's still a work in progress, changing my attitude towards uncertainty has helped me better navigate this time of crisis.

What's also helped is dancing with uncertainty, both figuratively and literally. James Brown writes: “The one thing that can solve most of our problems is dancing.” Maybe it can't solve all problems, but dancing has helped me a lot.

I take dance breaks as a daily practice and when I feel triggered by bad news, a change in plans, something scary, ... It prevents me from going into fight/flight/freeze mode and helps me open to new perspectives, alternatives, and possibilities. It allows me to express and move through my emotions and cultivate positive ones.

Dancing with uncertainty helps me see there's always a way to move forward.

So, shall we dance?

Below are a few resources to support you.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[PRACTICE] Dancing with Uncertainty

Purpose: To connect with your body, express and move through your feelings, and generate positive emotion.

Create a playlist with songs that bring you joy and dance to it by yourself or (virtually) with others for at least 10 min every day.

[POEM] by Rumi

"Dance, if you've torn the bandage off.

Dance in the middle of the fighting.

Dance in your blood.

Dance when you're perfectly free."

 

Who and how do you want to be?

 

In a way, this crisis brings all of us into the present moment like never before.

This is the Great Pause.

We are seeing what happens when much of the world simply stops. As challenging and heartbreaking this experience is, it's also one of the best opportunities we ever had to take stock. To be present to what's not working in our society and our lives. To return to what and who truly matters. To remember and clarify our aspirations. To vision and create anew.

I've been sitting with the questions:

  1. Who and how do I want to be in this crisis and beyond?

  2. What is worth returning to and what is worth creating anew? 

I'd love to invite you to join me in living these questions in the weeks ahead.

A more equitable, compassionate, and sustainable world is possible. Together, we can move in the right direction. 

Below are a few resources to support you.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[PRACTICE] Walking with a Question

Purpose: To unplug and create space for new insights and ideas to emerge around a question you're holding in your life/work. 

Go for a long walk by yourself without your phone or with your phone switched off. Be present to your surroundings with your senses awake. If possible, spend some time amidst trees and plants. You may want to take a question you're currently holding on your walk and see what insights arise. 


[POEM]

Grace and the Great Turning by Joanna Macy

When you act on behalf
  of something greater than yourself,
  you begin
    to feel it acting through you
with a power that is greater than your own.

This is grace.

Today, as we take risks
  for the sake of something greater
  than our separate, individual lives,
  we are feeling graced
  by other beings and by Earth itself.

Those with whom and on whose behalf we act
  give us strength
    and eloquence
      and staying power
       we didn't know we had.

We just need to practice knowing that
  and remembering that we are sustained
    by each other
      in the web of life.
Our true power comes as a gift, like grace,
  because in truth it is sustained by others.

If we practice drawing on the wisdom
  and beauty
    and strengths
      of our fellow humans
      and our fellow species
we can go into any situation
  and trust
    that the courage and intelligence required
      will be supplied.

 

We were made for these times

 

If ever there's been a time for us to explore ways we can deepen our presence and compassion and nourish our connection with each other, this is it. 

I often think of my late grandmother who raised me. She lived through WWII and told me stories of great uncertainty, loss, deprivation, and suffering. She also told me stories of rebuilding after the war had ended. I think of all of my ancestors who survived past epidemics, natural disasters, and wars. And I am reminded that we all are part of something greater, of generations of survivors across history. We carry their resilience inside of us. 

I know many of us are experiencing a range of emotions - fear, anxiety, sadness, grief, frustration, anger, ... It's all normal as we're seeking to find our way through this. We can stop, take a deep breath, and acknowledge and honor our fear with compassion. We might say, "Thank you for trying to protect me. I am OK for now." And we might open to the resilience that has been passed down to us from our ancestors. 

Who and how do you want to be in this crisis? What's your sincere intention or aspiration? Take a moment to connect with your heart and listen for an answer. Let it be your North Star. Let it remind you of what matters most whenever you need it.

We were made for these times. 

Below are a few resources to support you.

With love,

Sarah-Marie

Resources

[PRACTICE] Self-Compassion Break

Adapted from Kristin Neff. 

Bring to mind a difficult situation in your life. Sense into the stress and discomfort of this situation and see if you can feel it in your body, heart, and mind. 

Step 1. Acknowledge the difficulty, stress, and/or pain of this moment. 
You may say to yourself: 

  • This hurts.

  • Ouch.

  • This is stress.

Step 2. Acknowledge that difficulty and pain/discomfort are a part of life. 
You may say to yourself: 

  • Other people feel this way.

  • I’m not alone.

  • We all struggle in our lives.

Now, put your hands over your heart and feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch of your hands on your chest. Or adopt the soothing touch you discovered felt right for you.

Step 3. Offer kindness to yourself. 
Ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to show kindness to myself?” 
You may say to yourself: 

  • It’s ok. 

  • May I learn to accept myself just as I am. 

  • May I forgive myself. 

  • May I be strong.

  • May I be patient. 

If you’re having difficulty finding the right words, imagine that a good friend or loved one is facing the same challenge as you. What would you say to this person? What simple message would you like to share with your friend? Now offer that message to yourself. 


[PRACTICE] Acknowledging Our Fear 

We can stop, take a deep breath, and acknowledge and honor our fear with compassion. We might say, "Thank you for trying to protect me. I am OK for now." And we might open to the resilience that has been passed down to us from our ancestors who have survived crises in the past. 


[POEM]

Allow by Danna Faulds 
There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt,
containing a tornado. Dam a
stream, and it will create a new
channel. Resist, and the tide
will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry
you to higher ground. The only
safety lies in letting it all in –
the wild with the weak; fear,
fantasies, failures and success.
When loss rips off the doors of
the heart, or sadness veils your
vision with despair, practice
becomes simply bearing the truth.